i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
