Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
