Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
