i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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