after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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