no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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