Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize