I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
