'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
