he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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