Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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