Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
