Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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