All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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