im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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