I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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