apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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