True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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