its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
