a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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