i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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