I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize