She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
