he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
