I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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