Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
