Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
