so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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