I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i think my cat just said my name.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
