I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
