$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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