My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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