I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
