did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
