Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize