Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize