I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
