She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
