yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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