I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
