"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
