Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize