More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
