yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
