I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
