just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
