so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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