You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
