i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
