somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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