Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize