i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
are you so shy because you have an std?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
