Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you would pick up someone in the library
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
