we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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