just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
