I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
