Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
