i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
