So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
