So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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