Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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