the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
