oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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