is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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