just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
