You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
