What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
