I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
