don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
