life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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