I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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