I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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