got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
