I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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