Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
