My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
