Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
